King of Crap Mountain

Pabst Blue Ribbon is for sale. Tens of thousands of punks and hipsters just dropped their ironic monocle's in astonishment. Why would any intellegent business person want to sell one of the top commodities in America today (wedged somewhere between the Snuggie and the Blackberry Curve 2)? Sales have been up because of the poor economy and the rise of Girl Talk. Having grown up in the St. Louis area, this is almost as devastating as the Anheuser Busch sale (not quite, though, because A-B has HORSES!).
Whomever or whatever buys the brewing company, is going to need a marketer and that marketer should be me. What are my qualifications? I think I've been to enough hipster dive bars and choked down enough PBRs to deserve the position (or at least a button to put on my derby hat). What are my plans? I'm amazed you haven't asked yet. Here they are anyway.
1. No more sponsoring NPR Music's Online Concert Series. NPR is a bit too conservative for Pabst's demographic. PBR will be the exclusive beer sponsor of The Daily Show and This American Life. It's a working class beer for people of diverse political persuasions, you say? I have never seen anyone my parents age or older drink it. That said, won't drop the illusion of a working class beer altogether.
2. Commercials will have two themes.

• Specialized Working Class: These commercials will feature grainy stock images of late 1930's union workers. Preferably working on docks (we'll photoshop PBR bottles in if we need be). For these ads modern day images of people actually working will never be used because it will just remind the target demographic that they do not contribute to society in a meaningful way.
  
• Actual Use: These ads will feature 30 seconds at any hipster-heavy concert in the United States. These will include, but are far from limited to, Fleet Foxes, Margot & the Nuclear So and So's, and Dillinger 4 shows (D4 show will be pixelated for the inevitable band nudity.). Any 30 second footage from these show will provide more than enough product exposure.

3. Pabst will be made artificially rare. Well, not the beer exactly. That needs to be readily available because most Pabst drinkers are lazy (they just say "PBR" because saying an actual word is for posers) and will move on to Miller High Life if Pabst isn't within grabbing distance. What will be made rare are the bottlecaps. They'll be made with various colors. We'll send out a press release saying, for example, that only 502 of the red caps have been and will ever be made. Those kids will pay a premium price for the beer if they think they can sell it on Ebay for a fortune. This will all be a lie of course. In six months, well make 500 more red caps and send out the same press release.
4. All Pabst Blue Ribbon merchandise will be sold exclusively through the Salvation Army.
5. New product idea: a Pabst stencil to be sold to tattoo artists. If we are going to have people advertise our product on their body for their entire life, let's make sure it doesn't end up on badtattoos.com. Actually, on second thought, we can sell two stencils . . .
So there is the gameplan to make Pabst Blue Ribbon the number one beer in the nation. The hard part will making sure the customers don't know when it happens.

The first image is taken from the blog No Brand Like Home which has an amazing breakdown of the viability of PBR.

In the Batting Circle: Nothington

When an album you anticipate from a band that is relatively small time, you have to be patient. They don't have the means to produce a release every other month and even touring can be financially taxing. I took the patient approach with Nothington's new album Roads, Bridges, & Ruins because I was a big fan of their previous effort All In.
Nothington is Jay Northington, Gabe Lindeman (both formerly of Tsunami Bomb), Chris Matulich, and Tony Teixeira (No word on whether he chokes in important situations). They play a form of melodic punk reminiscent of Gunmoll with Hot Water Music Ragan-eque vocals. It's as good a combination as it sounds.
Roads is a progression for the band. as it should be. Most of the songs, especially "Stop Screaming," are far more complex than anything found on All In. That said, the album drops most of the country or Southern charm that the previous effort had. Roads is straight gravelly pop punk. A song like "The Ocean" has "whoa-oa-oa" gang vocals that just don't feel as sincere as on a song like "Where Is This Going?" on All In.
Another thing this album misses are the backing vocals of Emily Whitehurst, former lead singer of Tsunami Bomb. I get it. She isn't a full time band member and you don't want to be known as former _____ forever. That said, the strongest songs on All In featured the beautiful interplay between Jay and Whitehurst. If you have the opportunity to make your strongest songs with someone (a friend?), then swallow your pride and do it.
Despite my comparisons, Roads, Bridges, & Ruins is a strong release on it's own. Matulich's songs on this album are more cohesive to the whole than his previous efforts. Jay still writes fist pumping ballads that won't leave your head without a fight (see: "Best For Me"). I think the best way to experience this band would be to listen to this latest album first, then get the debut. I like saving the best for last, which explains why I am posting music after all this writing.

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Outrage for Profit!

Recently, former St. Louis Cardinals slugger Mark McGwire was named the new hitting coach of his former team. Even more recently, Sports Illustrated's Jeff Pearlman took it upon himself to be the voice of tired anger.
A little background: McGwire was briefly the holder of the single season home run record. He was probably on massive amounts of beef 'roids while he did it. He has summoned to Congress for a dog and pony show. He didn't say anything about his steroid usage. He moved to a deserted island somewhere for years and hasn't even made a public appearance following the announcement of his recent hiring.
Jeff Pearlman is a guy who writes books about the moral depravity of athletes. He wrote The Bad Guys Who Won about the 1986 Mets, Boys Will Be Boys about the Barry Switzer Dallas Cowboys (sensing a theme?), and two books on steroid users: Love Me, Hate Me about Barry Bonds, and The Rocket That Fell to Earth about Roger Clemens. Each of these books is basically the written equivalent of a school marm lecturing you about skipping class.
So it comes as no surprise that Pearlman is tsk-tsking the hiring of McGwire as a hitting coach. He implies that McGwire had no talent beyond the strength the steroids provided.

His courage and strength were mirages. His greatness, well, very artificial.

That, of course, ignores the fact that McGwire likely didn't use performance enhancing drugs before entering the Major Leagues and that he led rookies in home runs when he was had the body frame of a mortal. I wonder if Pearlman thinks even he could be a big league hitter giving the right prescription.

McGwire is back in the baseball fold; back to teach today's ballplayers how to (egad) succeed the same way he did; back to offer wisdom.

Holy cats, I think he does believe that.
McGwire is joining the Cardinals to be the hitting coach, not open up a pharmacy. McGwire has already provided personal hitting instruction to various Major League hitters including Skip Schumaker, who passes the "eye test." (If Pearlman doesn't have to say "allegedly," then I can determine if a player uses PEDs by looking at them.)
McGwire isn't going to play in the field. What was done in the past is done. It can't change as much as Pearlman and the old fogey writers he apes want it to change. All the whining about the "Holy Bible" of baseball being the record book is ridiculous. The Taliban think Pearlman is too hung up on one book.
The real reason he has to kick and scream like a sweet sixteenager without The Fray performing at her party is because he needs that outrage. He needs as many people wary against shadowy enemies because that moral outrage is what moves his books. Because it isn't about steriods to him. It's about an arbitrary standard of good and evil. To him, you have to win the "right" way or not win at all. Just ask the 1986 Mets.
McGwire's rookie card provided by HomeRunCards.com

You've Been to "The Show:" Cropdusters &The Bootheel

Sometimes when you are a music fan (or art fan in general) in a smallish city, you tend to overlook some of the outstanding things going on while you pine for the elusive "other." I'm as guilty of that as anyone else. But I'm slowly coming around and am getting very fortunate to catch some talented bands based in Southwest, Missouri.
On Halloween, amid the debauchery of the "largest costume party in Missouri" (hang your hat on that Spring Vegas), the Highlife hosted one of the best local showcases in months. The Cropdusters headlined and Boogeymen and The Bootheel supported, but those roles fail to acknowledge how equally talented each group is.
I've briefly mentioned The Cropdusters before (or at least their lead singer). They play a fun style of southern/country rock that doesn't quite hit the "punk" mark, but is fun music nonetheless. Lead singer Jeb is a big Lucero fan and you can tell through his lyrics and slightly strained, yet steady vocals. Other lead singer Brian provides a change of pace vocally. His lyrics are often about life in the Ozarks and historically based. My current favorite song is Brian's "Quantrill," which is a fist pumping ballad for any self respecting Missourian that irrationally distrusts Kansans at best and openly despises any Jayhawker at worst. The Halloween show marked the final show for lead guitarist "Toad" Wyrick. I may have news on this front in the near future (I'm gonna scoop you, The Four Four!).
I missed the The BoogeyMen last night, so as to use my wristband at another bar (that wouldn't normally have a cover. Pub crawls are scams). I've seen them before and they are made up of an amalgam of local musicians and play western/rock-a-billy tunes, generally without vocals. They're fun and always play with masks, so I'm sure the effect was a little lost on Halloween.
The opening band, The Bootheel, played a loud set, which is their wont. They play a mix of punk, country, rock, and roots music to make a delicious glaze of goodness. (Not coincidentally, they make their own barbecue sauce. I kid you not. I bought some. It's delicious.). The band describes their sound as "aggressively Midwestern." It's an apt description and it makes you proud to be from the same area and culture that produces such amazing music.
Both these bands had their debut releases this year: The Cropdusters with Howdy and The Bootheel with Gold Tops.
If you live or will visit Springfield, Jeb and Brian from The Cropdusters and Todd from The Bootheel play acoustically at Lindberg's every Tuesday night for free. It's a unique event that not enough Ozarkians patronize.
For your sonic pleasure:

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Image courtesy of The Four Four, a local music blog that updates far more than I and is a valuable resource for the music scene in southwest Missouri.

Doing the AL for some reason

The consistent blogging thing is for squares. That said, I always want to complete what I start (except the season preview, that was a bit too ambitious). The only reason I did it though was to post some cool videos of bands so that's pretty much what I am going to do.

Minnesota Twins: They had no chance. To be honest, the team pretty much sucked. But they beat the Tigers in a 73 inning tie breaker game, so good on them. They'll always have The Replacements.



Boston Red Sox: This team had a chance. Jon Lester was the key. Unfortunately, all the chowds are crying like Tom Brady's baby's mama. Here's a band that looks like a bunch of Casey Blakes (tip of my cap to Drew at Ghostrunner on First)



Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: It doesn't matter how often I see it, that name is ridiculous. However, people adding a bunch of locales for humorous effect are more annoying. Stop it. It's not clever. Speaking of ridiculous: 50 year old man singing about being Mommy's Little Monster. I'm still a sucker for it.



New York Yankees: Probably the favorite to win it all (at this point). They haven't won in a decade or so. Certainly, their fans will be humble and reserved when they win number 27, amirite? Does Long Island count as New York? Do you think they have Yankee fans there? This band was from that area. (Not representative of album audio quality, obviously)



Got that done. Hey, look here. Bonus video:



This was brought to my attention by Rob at WalkoffWalk.com. Some bar in Wrigleyville moonlighted as a punk club back in 1984, before it became to popped collar brofest that it is today. From Chicago? What do you know about this bar? Leave a comment. It's been a while.

Starting at an Ending: NLDS

Playoffs have finally arrived and the teams are set (at least for the National League). So let's run down the "best" of the senior circuit and see how these boyos match up. In addition, we'll get some tunes from each city's respective scene.

Philadelphia Phillies: One of the top teams in this league, the Phillies did it with good ole mashing. Put Jimmy Rollins, Chase Utley, and Ryan Howard in a lineup and you really have no choice but to score some runs. The defending champs have a nearly identical lineup to last year, save a substitution of Raul Ibanez (who had an unusually good excellent first half) for Pat Burrell. Starting pitching is strong on paper with lefties Cole Hamels, Cliff Lee, and J.A. (sounds like "Jay." Seriously) Happ and and old Pete Martinez with the valuable "veteran leadership." They're a tough club. There has to be some weakness. Oh, well there is this guy.Yeah, that might be a slight problem they'll have to look into. The Phils have homefield advantage and take on the Rockies.
Philly has some damn good music. Not many better than this band:

Colorado Rockies: This year's wildcard (which lately has meant World Series favorite) got to where they are by disciplined hitting and great pitching by Ubaldo Jimenez and Jorge De La Rosa and out of his element pitching by Jason Freakin' Marquis. Not to mention, they fired their manager mid year. Hey, it worked for the Penguins, amirite? But let's not kid ourselves. If this team makes the World Series, we're all going to be bored out of our skulls. Remember the Red Sox-Rockies World Series? Of course, you don't.
This song's called "Joe California" but it's by a band from Colorado. Crazy worldly, I know.



St. Louis Cardinals: "My" team was a rag tag band of merry players that used grit and determination to lead the league in goodwill and hearty wins. Not really. Two Cy Young candidates and groundball wizard Joel Pineiro provided some stability in the rotation. The front office pushed their chips (read: top prospects) all in for masher Matt Holliday to protect Lord Pujols in the lineup. With any luck the peripheral players will play the slightly above replacement level that that are paid to do.
Unfortunately, not much to choose from but this is a pretty damn good song:



Los Angeles Dodgers: The Cards face the NL West Champion Dodgers. The Dodgers had a hot start this season after getting some decent pitching from Chad Billingsly and Clayton Kershaw and some hot hitting from Manny Ramirez, who has been coming off his 'roid cycle. But like the Cards, they lost a bunch of games as they entered the playoffs. It'll be interesting to see which team decides it's worth it to play games 163-168 of this long season.
LA has some legendary punk bands and I could choose any number of great music. However, I want everyone to root for the Cardinals, so here's a reason not to root for Los Angeles: the town brought you this travesty:



It's like Snoop Dog is endorsing a Juggalo band.

Go Cards.

The Kings

Hey, it's nearly damn playoff time. The summer went fast, per usual. My team of choice clinched their spot in the playoffs and you can read a few of my thoughts on that here and here. The interesting thing is that even though there are less than ten games left in the season, not all the spots are decided yet. Will the Tigers hold on or will they Fernando Rodney their playoff chances? That's right Fernando Rodney is now a verb and Tigers fans know what it means. In St. Louis, it's pronounced Isringhausen, but diverse speech accents are what make America grand.
The proximity of the World Series had me thinking about the Yankees and the Cardinals: the two teams with the most championships. Now the Yankees have the most by far with 26. The Cards are a distant second with 10. But how did those teams do it? Existing for over 100 years helps. But what did the Yankees do to be so successful? You have to remember that these teams won in a time when there was no such thing as free agency. Players stuck with their team until they were traded away. So the Yankees began their success with Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig. Having control over such great players made the team the premier franchise in league. The players knew they had to stay with the team as long as the team said. Wouldn't the best players want to be with the franchise that can pay the most and/or give the best opportunity to win? Success breeds success, indeed.
Also, there was no such thing as a farm system. The farm system was pioneered by the Cardinals. It gave the team a deep pool of players from which to choose their major league roster. That pioneering can probably explain some of the Cards' success.
Now that free agents keep players on the move and each team has a farm system to support the big club with cheap, young talent, the MLB is close to being the best possible system for league "parity" without the boring, facelessness of the NFL. Every team has a chance as long as their management doesn't spend 17 years thinking Jack Wilson type players are the key to your future championships.
In the music world, some of my favorite artists are or have put out new albums. Already out there are new releases by Frank Turner, Banner Pilot, Chuck Ragan, The Gateway District, and Pissed Jeans. Look out for upcoming music by Nothington and Lucero. It's a damn good time for new music. That's what makes it even weirder that I am ending with this song:

Poster of our heroes hawking cancer sticks courtesy of Deco Dog.